My journey begins

Assalamu'alaikum, I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling but... I feel like i'm going crazy, like i'm losing my mind.. Its so funny because I feel like I can't even control my own thoughts & feelings. One moment I'm alright & the next I go into a really negative mood. I want to be ALONE.. Nobody understands me. Do you know what it feels like to be in a room full of people yet feel like you're alone.. I'm drowning and all I see..  people, people all around me who are breathing. My thoughts start to consume me... to the point it hurts for me to breathe. I feel so numb/empty yet I feel pain. It hurts so much more than simple physical pain... Because I don't know how to cure this... and no amount of medication can fix this. Maybe i'm too broken.. Ya Allah please forgive me if this..... if this is me being ungrateful & if this is me.... not putting enough trust in You. There are times when all kinds of d

Assalamu'alaikum, I know its been a long time since I posted anything.... I've been struggling with a lot. Y'know... cause life is hard. Yes, definitely. Sometimes you just feel this emptiness in your heart.... and you just can't understand why you feel so blue.... depressed.. upset.. lost.. The answer to this is in the Qur'an " Verily in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest. " -[13:28] Hmm... I know this... yet I can't bring myself to feel it..  I try to reflect, to think about Allah... To think about all the numerous blessings I am lucky enough to have. Its funny because I keep getting this same feeling again, again & again.. I desperately try to busy my self... to distract my thoughts. Maybe deep down... I know why I feel this way... I know..... but I am in self-denial. I try to talk to myself... to find the root cause of the problem... and there, there it is... the inner voice shrouded by all these loud thoughts